Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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