Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
