pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
