hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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