Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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