I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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