I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
