If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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