he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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