two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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