I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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