That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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