The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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