I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
