yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
