New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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