yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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