Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize