I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize