Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
