I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize