In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
