I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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