I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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