That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
