There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
