lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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