she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
