Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
