the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
