one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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