And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He felt like a one man threesome
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
