thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
