dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
