my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
