i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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