standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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