He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize