I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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