yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
