The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize