it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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