So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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