making cat noises will not fix the situation.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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