How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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