I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
accomplished twins. life is a go
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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