I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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