We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
