swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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