hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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