We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
