i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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