Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
