I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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