Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
