Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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