so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
