Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
