Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
