He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
