biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
