she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
