friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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