I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
