Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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