Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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