bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
