I didn't shave. On purpose
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
