i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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