I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize