Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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