He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
