3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Randomize
