he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
