you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
